


Back and Forth

by thefuckistevvs



Series: The Junker's Guide to the Outback [27]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Reference to Violent (consensual) sex, Second Person, blood mention, reference to sex, reference to violence, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23977804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefuckistevvs/pseuds/thefuckistevvs
Summary: The way he touches you doesn’t feel right. Not because it hurts, but because itdoesn’t
Relationships: Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes & Roadhog | Mako Rutledge, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes/Roadhog | Mako Rutledge
Series: The Junker's Guide to the Outback [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/553996
Comments: 7
Kudos: 84





	Back and Forth

**Author's Note:**

> How selfish of you. 
> 
> \---
> 
> HEY long time no see!!! Im here with a new fic <3
> 
> I went on a tangent on tumblr after anon mentioned, about how we joke around how Junkrat doesnt deserve roadhog and Roadhog totally deserves junkrat cus hog is a jerk. 
> 
> But honestly this is more of a bit exploration of "deserving" each other, y'know? because, well. 
> 
> Also I've been meaning to do some experimentation with Second Person, and i think this was the right time to do so :0 
> 
> I hope y'all like it!! thank you for reading!!

The way he touches you doesn’t feel right. Not because it hurts, but because it _doesn’t_

The way his big fingers trace your skin, it makes the few hairs in your arms stand. The way his knuckles caress your ribs, the way he lovingly traces all your imperfections feels so good and leaves a sweet taste in your mouth, but it makes your heart clench. It doesn’t feel right- You do not deserve this.

Meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you know this- you repeat it to yourself every day. You make sure to not forget. 

Your entire life has been miserable, really. You don’t have many memories of how it was like before the Omnium exploded, but it sure was better than an irradiated shit hole. It must have.

You know pain- _hell_ , you’ve lost an arm and a leg. You have been hunted, carved out by scavengers and bounty hunters. Your entire life has been on the run. You could probably write a book about pain, if you knew how to properly write. You have so many broken bones, you wonder if you ever healed right. 

You used to believe that you were immune to pain now. And in a way- you were right. You’ve been gutted and that is just a regular day for you. But you also used to believe you could do this alone.

Adapting to having Roadhog with you was difficult, at first. You have gotten used to the rituals of loneliness, all your little quirks and habits that made sense when you were alone. It was strange, but after a while it felt natural. 

The way he kisses the skin in your chest makes your back arch, it makes you squirm under his grasp as he treats you like a treasure- delicate and expensive. You’ve seen him kill so many people with those hands, you’ve seen him crush people skulls and punch through walls. Yet it’s like he puts the most effort to not hurt you, and that makes you feel something you never felt. 

You never expected kindness from him. In a way, you expected him to be violent and rough, like everything else in your life has been. The first time you fucked you expected it to be raw and violent. Kindness did not survive in the outback.

But you remember him staring at you, through the pig mask.

“You want me to hurt you.”

Was there another alternative? 

“It’s just,” you said, suddenly embarrassed. “I’m just sayin’. It’s how I’m used to.”

“If you want to, okay.” Roadhog shrugged. “But if you don’t, it doesn’t gotta be like that.”

And you spent a lot of thinking, and shrugged, pretending that you didn’t really care. “Let’s do it yer way, fella.”

After that, it has always been gentle. You never ask it for any other way. You crave it, the way he looks at you, the way he holds you gently and guides you, the way he lets you fuck him- it’s too much for you. And yet, it feels wrong. 

You don’t deserve it.

The feeling of guilt gnaws at your insides, and you know it is right. You don’t deserve any of this kindness and you know that. He puts up with you, he cares for you, saves your life- what have you given him? Nothing. You don’t deserve all of this.

You’re an ugly piece of shit, scum. You’ve been kicked out of Junkertown, you’ve been hunted down by the entire world. Your eyes are ugly and your smile is crooked, your body is all wrong and disgusting. You know this. You know you’re too stupid, and horrible. You know all of this, you know it.

And it makes you feel selfish every time you two are together, you know it's selfish to keep him with you because deep down you feel like a horrible piece of shit, because you’re scum and everybody knows it. You feel guilt everytime he touches you, and you have to stop yourself from telling him to fuck off. You want him to break you, because you deserve it. You deserved to be gutted like the rabid animal you are.

But you’re selfish. Add it to the list of horrible things you are. 

After climax you stay quiet, laying on top of him. You don’t say much, just laugh as you start feeling the guilt creeping in, crawling at your intestine.   
He places his hand behind your back, and gently brings you down to his level. You end up on top of him, laying against his bare chest. A part of you panics, but he just keeps you there, patting you in the back.

“G’night, rat.” He says, keeping you on top of him.

You just sputter a chuckle and reply back. “G’night, mate.”

You close your eyes, surrounded in a warmth that feels painful.

\---

You know what you’re doing isn’t right. You don’t even have the right to touch him, after what you’ve done. 

Something inside of you wants to be a good person, even after all these years. But you don’t get to- you already fucked up so much, and you ruined the lives of so many people. You can’t just ignore that. You don’t get to pretend that never happened.

And yet every day you do- every day you stay quiet, say nothing and keep going. And you know that’s wrong. But you’re a coward, you’re so scared of what will happen the day you tell the truth. The day you tell _him_ the truth.

It was you. You destroyed the Omnium. You and others, but you were part of it. It was _you_.

You don’t get to complain about the heat, or irradiated animals, or the acid rain. You caused it. This is your fault, and now you get to live in your personal hell for all eternity.

For the longest time you didn’t care- or at least liked to pretend you didn’t. You detached yourself from everybody and everything, living as a hermit. Feared by everybody. You lived in your miserable farm, devoid of life by your hand. 

When you were hired for Junkrat, you didn’t really expect to stick to him. You expected it to be a week job, and then you would go on, separate lives. And yet, it felt natural. It felt good. 

Slowly he burrowed his way into your heart. You couldn’t stop thinking about him- the way his lean body stands, the way he craft plans. You somehow have fallen in love with this man.

Oh, if he were to learn of what you did.

At first you never felt the need to tell him, but the realization of what you were doing hit you like a train after the first time you’ve had sex. 

He tells you stories of what happened to him, all the ways he has been tortured. How he had to fight for his life as a child. Stories he thinks are funny at first, but are horrifying. Tells you he has never seen the sea, how he can barely write. 

He tells about how he cannot remember his mother’s face. 

You created him, in a way. He is a product of your mistakes, his life is your fault. He deserves to know what you’ve done, and yet you never told him. You both fuck, and you try to be ever so gentle to him, maybe as an apology. Maybe because you’re sick in the head and for some reason have fallen in love with the manifestation of all your failures. Maybe that’s just what you’re into. 

Of course, it feels good to have him above you, perched on you, sinking himself up and down your cock. Of course it feels good, physically. But deep in your mind, you feel sick. Why do you do this? Why are you playing with him?

You destroyed his life, you know this. You became someone to be feared, when in reality, it is you who should be afraid. It is your fault that everything is ruined. It is your fault Junkrat is like this. It is your fault he never went to college and instead he is in the desert, fucking you. He could have done so many things, and yet you kept him here. 

You dig your fingers in the dirt, feeling your orgasm coming. You don’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to be fucked by what ruined his life. You don’t deserve his love. You don’t deserve to touch him like you’ve done nothing wrong. 

But you do, because that’s who you are. Because you’re Roadhog, a monster. You kill, you main, you ruin everything you touch. You tried to liberate the outback and you just destroyed it instead. You have ruined Junkrat, and you try to make up for him, even when you know you can never be forgiven for what you’ve done. 

You are Roadhog. You use. You kill. You manipulate. 

Junkrat finishes, and you just want to lovingly grab him, to touch all of him. You raise your hand and bring him down, pressing him against your big chest. He shudders a little.

“G’night, rat.” You say, softly. You want to give him everything, even though you’re the reason he has nothing.

“G’night, mate.”

How selfish of you.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr!](http://whatthefuckistevvs.tumblr.com/)  
> [My Twitter!](https://twitter.com/thefuckistevvs)  
> Y'all like Roadrat? Check out these Roadrat Discords i am Part of!
> 
> https://discord.gg/8CM7z4Y
> 
> Hit me up if you want to talk about the Junkers!!!


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